To My Grandmother

Dear Wa,

Life has been different since you passed away. There is a hole in all of our lives. Where I once had a grandmother, confidant, and friend, I find you are missing.

I think about you daily. When I glance around my new house, I wish you could be here to see it. I have little pieces of you spread about, so that I am constantly reminded of your presence. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to make my house smell like you. That sweet mixture of fresh baked bread, baking cookies, and a touch of the makeup you wore on your skin. I don't wear it, but I own some. When I find myself missing you, I sneak into the closet and open it up. Just the smell helps me feel closer to you.

I miss spending endless afternoons at your house like I did when I was young. There was always something that needed coloring, or a project in the basement to work on. I remember you letting me help you with the baking. Pouring the chocolate chips into the bowl, stirring the water and flour for bread, and licking the beaters from the mixer after you'd made whipped cream!

Oh, those cookies! So warm and delicious! Mom's are good, but yours were better. They were always soft in the middle, like a tiny cookie-flavored cake. Always 14 chips a cookie, like Da always jokes about.

Being in your house is strange now. It doesn't smell like you anymore. It can be hard, but I like to be there. Your sewing machine is still in the basement, next to the chair where I would sit and read you my homework. Your dresses still hang in the laundry room waiting to be mended.

I wish I hadn't walked away from my family in the years before your passing. I missed out on so many opportunities to spend time with you, and to show you how much I love you. I hope that you can see it now. I hope that you would be proud of me. I love you.

Always yours,
Molly